Boundaries
Our world is filled with boundaries. They seem to be something we humans are particularly fond of. We have divided the globe into geographical and political regions, defined their perimeters, named them, claimed ownership of them, and defended them to our deaths. We put up fences around our yards to define our space, limit our children and pets, protect our belongings, and keep strangers out. We obviously put a lot of effort into clearly delineating that which is yours and that which is mine.
We set, maintain, and respect our boundaries for very good reasons. Robert Frost wrote, “Good fences make good neighbors.” You may not know the poem, but the concept is well-known and easy to understand. Our boundaries allow us to practice our own personal idea of freedom as long as it doesn’t harm or infringe upon the rights and freedoms of others. Knowing our boundaries keeps the peace in this crowded world and allows us to pursue our own personal happiness within them.
The boundaries which I find most intriguing are those we have learned from our social interactions. From the time we become aware of ourselves and others in our first year of life we begin to learn and establish our behavioral boundaries. Through trial and error we learn what gains us favor among our families and peers and what gets us into trouble. We learn which subjects not to discuss publicly, how far to stand from the person we’re talking with, and how loudly we can speak in various environments. We learn not to touch people we don’t know, and when we do touch people, we know what kind of touching is appropriate. The list goes on and on. While most of these boundaries can be simply described as “good manners,” at their core, they are built upon respect, for both self and others–respect for the boundaries between courtesy and offense. We “do unto others as we would have them do unto us.”
By their simple nature, we can naturally expect unpleasant things to happen when boundaries are crossed. By extreme example, people who crossed the Berlin Wall were shot on sight. Similarly, intruders on private property can be arrested. On the social level, we see children who sass their parents or wander out of the yard get punished, and rowdy patrons ejected from the premises. Scolding another mother’s child will likely result in your own scolding, and questioning the integrity of a friend may find you minus a friend.
Living within our physical and social boundaries allows for a generally peaceful life, but some of us choose to occasionally dwell right on the edge of boundaries. I’m speaking, of course, about those of us who escort and protest at Louisville’s abortion clinic. Life at the very edge of boundaries can be precarious. Your every word and movement is carefully watched and scrutinized by your opponent who is ready to defend their territory at the first hint of a border crossing. Any participant on the front lines of this raging cultural war over abortion will attest to the truth of this. Cross words and threats are exchanged for the tiniest of infractions of the physical, social, and philosophical boundaries we are all there to defend, and any hope of maintaining any kind of peace and order relies entirely on respect for those boundaries.
Most abortion clinics in this country are able to establish solid and obvious boundaries between their clients and those who would oppose their choice with fenced, private lots, parking garages, and the like. Some cities have stepped up and defined boundaries between clients and protesters, maintaining a physical distance between them with bubble laws or buffer zones. But at Louisville’s abortion clinic, no such thing exists. The opposing participants mingle.
The boundaries between protesters and clients, and the escorts who walk with the clients, are defined by nothing more than the “good manners” of the participants. Even the one, single, obviously defined, physical boundary–the indentation on the sidewalk which supposedly marks the boundary between clinic property and the public sidewalk–is subject to the practice of good manners as it cannot physically bar anyone from crossing it. So, in reality, our boundaries are defined by our morals, our principles, and our self-control–basically, those behavioral boundaries we’ve been learning since we were toddlers. Luckily, the majority of the participants at the clinic know these boundaries well enough, and are able to avoid the more drastic forms of violence and aggression. But, we are not good neighbors. There are gaps in our fences. There are boundaries that protesters fail to acknowledge, and breach routinely.
There are two boundaries which, for escorts, basically define our presence at the clinic. The first is personal space, that comfort zone we each establish in the physical space around our bodies and claim as our own. I briefly mentioned this previously in noting how most of us know how far to stand from the people we’re talking to. The boundary of this comfort zone fluctuates based on things like who is approaching, where the encounter is occurring, and who else is present, or one’s current state of mind, current activity, the other’s motivation, and so on. The other boundary, personal privacy, is a social boundary which fluctuates similarly to personal space. We are willing to share and discuss our personal matters with others based on the same who, what, where, when, and why criteria. Crossing either of these boundaries steals away a person’s comfort. It can make them defensive, even fearful, but always raises their stress level. Crossing this boundary by mistake is regretful, but doing it purposely is an attack on human dignity.
These are the two boundaries that clinic protesters, or as they like to call themselves, “sidewalk counselors,” cross continually as they approach complete strangers (the clinic clients), walk shoulder-to-shoulder with them, and discourse on subjects like the client’s sex life, the state of their reproductive organs, mate selection, life choices, and many other intimate subjects one simply doesn’t discuss with strangers. I always marvel at how these otherwise decent people who were raised in the same culture as the rest of us, completely lose their sense of good manners and acceptable social behavior, and present their opinions so rudely. Don’t they understand that putting people in defense mode cancels out their message?
If you read the previous blog entry entitled “Trespassing and Invasion,” you’re familiar with the story of Stephanie, the protester who recently found herself on the wrong side of the clinic property line. She crossed a boundary that is acknowledged and generally respected by protesters. She argued, she lost, she was physically coerced to the proper side of the boundary and peace was restored. Her disrespect for this boundary and her willingness to cross it are duly noted. Defending the property line boundary is important, but her infraction was minor when compared to the continual assaults she and the rest of the protesters inflict upon the women who have come to the clinic for private medical attention that is none of anyone else’s business. This is the reason we escort: to uphold women’s dignity as they seek essential medical care. This is the boundary we defend. Approach this boundary and we will watch you like a hawk. Cross it and we will do all we can to neutralize your threat, while taking care to stay within the boundaries of good manners.
Written by Dan
Trespassing and Invasion
I was back at the clinic this morning after quite some time away – time off was very good. It gave me a chance to just not have that racket in my head for a while. I had the opportunity to see the clinic for the first time in a while, with semi-fresh eyes, and to notice some things that come to seem very normal after seeing them happen so regularly.
I hadn’t engaged with any protesters at all until about 8:00. And then Stephanie happened. You may remember Stephanie – she used to be one of the jackass chasers in the orange vests. Now she is a jackass in a yellow vest. Andy wrote a FABULOUS response to an e-mail she sent. You can read that conversation here: http://everysaturdaymorning.wordpress.com/2010/02/15/dear-stephanie/
Particularly striking, to me, is this part:
“Your faith in god does not change the fact that you are in that moment no different from a rapist. To be clear I am simply making an analogy: person A says no to a certain type of interaction, person B does not accept those boundaries and forces themselves upon person A.”
That piece focuses mainly on the emotional trespassing done by protesters, and it is very eloquent, so I will simply second what that post says. We have also discussed many times on this blog the physical trespassing that happens – pushing into clients, pushing INFANTS into a client’s path, shoving handfuls of literature at clients and into their purses and bags… And of course, there’s trespassing onto clinic property.
This morning I had been walking in with a few client/escort groups, and after one I turned around to see that Stephanie had followed us onto the property line. WELL onto the property line, several feet in from both directions – this wasn’t toes over the line, this was trespassing onto private property very intentionally.
I was pissed. I told her to move, that she was trespassing, that she was on private property… She told me that it wasn’t MY property (well duh…) and that I had no authority to tell her to move. I will be the first to tell you that I cannot control what Stephanie does. No matter how thoughtless, rude, cruel, ignorant, etc. her actions and words may be, I have no control over them and cannot make her stop. But I can call people out for doing fucked up things. We ended up very close to each other, me yelling at her to get the fuck off of clinic property and what the fuck was she thinking, her yelling that I had no authority to tell her what to do and that it wasn’t my property… Finally I turned around and backed her off of the property.
I could write a lot about about how weird it is to get as worked up as I did, about how little sense it makes to trespass onto clinic property and then act like it’s totally ok… But it basically boils down to how shocking it is to see these ridiculous things happen after taking some time off, and how insolent and childish it is to trespass onto clinic property and act like you can do no wrong.
Let’s get real. What happened was not ok.
I am in no way saying that I handled things in the best possible way. But, the threat of having a protester invade a safe space for clients and escorts got to me. I got defensive and protective, because the one place where I should be able to count on having my own personal space was invaded. The space where clients should finally feel secure before their steps through the clinic door was invaded. The space that used to be patrolled by police officers that knew what they were doing (who’s mere presence would have almost certainly stopped these things from happening) was momentarily no longer a safe zone, and that is not acceptable.
While I am surprised by how upset I got, how aggressive I felt, I am not sorry for yelling or moving Stephanie off of clinic property. I hope to not get to that place again, to be able to control my feelings when my buttons are pushed like that, but I an not apologetic for my actions. Part of escorting is maintaining safe spaces, and when those spaces are invaded, I don’t think I can sit back and watch that happen without doing anything.
I cooled down at the corner and talked with another escort. As it got to be time to head home, we walked towards the clinic doors and passed Stephanie, who, making no eye contact with me, told us to have a nice day. How sweet.
Update: Stephanie commented to say I’m lying about most everything in this post.
Shout out to Stephanie: you still owe the escorts an apology. I don’t know how you remember things, but my account is from very shortly after this all happened. While I know human memory can be altered (I listened to a podcast about it just last night), I am not a liar, and I stand by what I have said here. You are allowed to have your version of the “truth” but it does not change the basic facts of what happened. Whether or not you honestly think you “accidentally” trespassed onto private property, we both know that you WERE on private property. We both know that you did not move when you realized what had happened. You still have some apologizing to do.
Father’s Day: Dan’s thoughts
When I was young, Father’s Day meant telling dad to have a good day, or giving him a present, or making/buying him a meal, or any of those other things we do for our fathers on this day. Now that I’ve advanced through fatherhood to grand-fatherhood, I’ve got a new perspective on the day.
I enjoy thinking about my children and grandchildren, spending time with them, giving them hugs, telling them I love them. I like to reflect upon my relationships with them and the roles I’ve played in the lives of these new people I helped bring into the world. Such contemplations can be both rewarding and humbling. I am so proud of all my children for who they have become and it’s wonderful to consider how I may have influenced much of that.
But there are always those memories of the mistakes I’ve made as well, and the embarrassing traits I passed on unwittingly, as I see my own imperfections showing up here and there in my childrens’ angry response or impatient quip. We’re all still pretty young and inexperienced when we’re raising children, and I wish I had known then some of the things I know now. I could have done so much better as a dad. But that’s part of the beauty of grand-parenting. We get another chance to influence a new generation.
One Saturday morning last fall, I discovered a new role of fatherhood. As a clinic escort, I spend only a few minutes walking with women during what is for many of them a very emotional and traumatic march from their car to the front door of the doctor’s office. Because it is assumed they are all having frivolous abortions, they are subjected to comments of judgment, guilt, accusation, condemnation, insult, disrespect, and disregard from the misogynist, anti-choice, Christian protesters who line the sidewalks and shout at them, or follow them and continually hound them every step of the way. And sometimes they intimidate quietly with overwhelming numbers of disapproving faces staring at them.
On this particular morning last fall, the Men’s Prayer Group from Southeast Christian Church decided to visit the clinic to show their disapproval. Southeast Christian is our local megachurch with a weekly attendance of 18,000 or more, and it is well-attended by many of the city’s elite, privileged, and powerful families. Over 100 men, mostly older men from their late thirties and up to their seventies, lined the sidewalk across the street from the clinic. Even I, a 53-year-old man, could feel the oppression the minute I climbed out of my car.
A view from the side.
The very first woman I escorted into the clinic that morning was young, perhaps late teens or early twenties, and accompanied by another young woman of about the same age. Some women of that age are bold and rebellious, thick-skinned, and unaffected by the opinions of their elders, but many are still dependent upon their parents and families and very sensitive to disapproval. I don’t think this young woman was of the former set. She clung to my arm, the arm of a complete stranger, and as we got closer to the door, as the condemnations got stronger and louder, she buried her face in my shoulder, and after a few more steps, I heard sobs.
As escorts, we played our roles well and got her to the door without misstep, but her sobs had reached a place deep within me. I will carry them the rest of my life. I did not behave well the rest of that morning. Normally very tolerant of the protesters and respectful of their rights to bad opinions, I ended up lashing out at them time and again, marching among the ranks of the Southeast Christian Men’s Prayer Group and calling them oppressors, cussing at their retorts, and claiming aloud my newfound hatred of Christians. I was acting very out-of-character and aroused the concern of numerous fellow escorts, including my own daughter of the same age as the client I had escorted and our beloved and perceptive mentor Drew.
It took about 9 months of soul-searching to finally release my hatred and regain my peace. My first step was to identify my emotions and find where all that anger came from. It was those disapproving men–fathers, grandfathers, and uncles–disapproving of women who could be their daughters, granddaughters, nieces, or even their wives. Disapproving men, withholding their love and attention, ignoring the needs of their young charges who look to them for guidance, look to them for the unconditional love and acceptance expected of a father, look to them for comfort at their times of greatest need. Disapproving men willing to abandon their daughters during their moment of deepest emotional distress, embarrassment, and fear, and leave them to walk through this gauntlet of hatred with a complete stranger, a man who will be in her life for only a few minutes, but is willing and able to be her surrogate father.
I wasn’t the best surrogate father I could be that day. It was the first time this had ever happened to me and I wasn’t prepared. I wish I had put my hand on hers as she held on tightly to my arm. I wish I had spoken softly to her to tell her it would be alright. I wish I had walked right in through the clinic door with her. I wish I could have given her a proper hug once inside. I would have known to do that with my own daughter, but this girl I didn’t know. WHERE WAS HER FATHER, DAMN IT! Was he just like those disapproving men across the street? He should have been at her side instead of me. Sometimes a girl just needs her daddy, no matter the circumstances!
While this holiday called Father’s Day only comes once a year, every day I escort at the clinic is a potential Father’s Day for me. Now that I understand the role of surrogate father, I am ready and willing and, hopefully, better prepared. I no longer hate Christians and have regained my former tolerance, but I have replaced the hatred with pity and shame for all those fathers, grandfathers, and uncles who are willing to condemn rather than to love their daughters unconditionally.
Dan
good intentions?
in the rain
when i think back to saturday mornings as a kid i remember pajamas, the waffle iron and cartoons.
over the years i have seen countless children brought to protest at our clinic. when i see these kids on the sidewalk, part of me feels sad, for what they are missing. another part of me becomes a little ragged, imagining what sort of imprint these parents are leaving on their kids.
mother's day 2009
will these people grow up to be brainwashed zealots, carbon copies of their parents? will they rebel, and end up angry? will they become teenage parents, products of abstinence only education and guilt laden stigma? will they have abortions? become clinic escorts? there’s no telling.
training?
i can’t help but wonder what makes these parents think this is an okay place to bring little ones? there are regular incidents of aggression, both verbal and physical.
rather be in bed
there are disturbing images on posters larger than these kids are. it’s not unusual for people to lose a shoe in the trek to the door, and while it is rare we do see violence.
not safe
and yet, parents decide to bring their own kids down. to drag them out of bed and make them stand on a sidewalk for 2 hours and just stand there. no playing, no talking, just stand there. maybe pray, but certainly do not do any of the things kids naturally do.
brrrr
to me this is not acceptable parenting. the parents justify it in the name of “saving the unborn”. oh, please. what about the born?
why don't these kids have on hats!? their mom only brings them in the winter!
i have seen babies with no socks on while there is ice on the ground. in below freezing temps i’ve seen little ankles and calves with no coverage, or just tights. this is not a rare occurrence.
like i said, for years i’ve seen people drag their kids to the prayer line, for what i see as an excruciatingly long timeout, for which they did no wrong.
SIT! good girl.
bumper bellies?
some parents take it a step further. they carry their children while chasing clients from their cars, down the sidewalk, to the doors. it is during these walks that a lot of shoving can take place, and shoes come off, etc. the sidewalk is cracked, and uneven, and there are obstacles that escorts and chasers bump into (parking meters, light posts, trash cans.) it is a truly hazardous situation. still, these parents walk with their babies, and kids in hand while harassing people who are often under stress. again, i just don’t get it.
there used to be a woman who would walk backwards in front of a group going to the clinic. she would hold her baby in her hands with her arms stretched out. the police told her to stop, and we have not seen her since. here is a video of current bad parenting tactics…
from a guest writer
As a new escort, Tim and Scott (the crucifix guy) told me abortion was murder. “Where,” I asked, “does it say that?”
Tim said, “The Ten Commandments-thou shalt not kill!” It’s in Exodus Chapter 20.
But does the killing of a fetus constitute murder, as in a breathing person? The answer is in the next chapter, Exodus 21: 22-25, it is the only passage in the Bible that deals specifically with the act of causing a woman to abort a pregnancy. And the penalty for causing the abortion is not what the protesters want us to believe:
“And if men struggle and strike a woman with child so that she has a miscarriage, yet there is no further injury, he shall be fined as the woman’s husband may demand of him, and he shall pay as the judges decide. But if there is any further injury, then you shall appoint as a penalty life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.”
Clearly it says that the loss of the fetus is punished by a fine. Causing the death of the woman was a capital crime-murder.
Brian Elroy McKinley says about Exodus 21: 22-25:
“This is a very illuminating passage. In it we find a woman losing her child by being stuck by men who are fighting. Rather than it being a capital offense, however, it is relegated to a civil matter, with the father-to-be taking the participants to court for a settlement. But, as we read on, if the woman is killed, a “life for a life,” then the men who killed her shall be killed. Some have claimed that the life for a life part is talking about the baby. But from reading the context we can see this is not true. It also states a tooth for a tooth and a burn for a burn. Babies don’t have teeth when they are born, and it is highly unlikely a baby will be burned during birth. It is pretty clear that this part refers to the mother. Thus we can see that if the baby is lost, it does not require a death sentence — it is not considered murder. But if the woman is lost, it is considered murder and is punished by death.”
Some fundamentalists have argued that it includes causing the death of the fetus and the fine was for causing premature birth. Baloney. Premature babies almost never survived in a world without modern medicine. Premature birth was a virtual death sentence.
Again, quoting Brian Elroy McKinley:
“It’s important to note that some anti-abortion lobbyists want to convince us the baby in this passage survived the miscarriage. They point to the more “politically-correct” translation they find in the New International Version of the Bible. There it translates the term “miscarriage” into “gives birth prematurely” (the actual words in Hebrew translate “she lose her offspring”). While this may give them the warm and fuzzy notion that this verse might actually support their cause if maybe the child survived, it is wishful thinking at best. In our modern era of miracle medicine only 60% of all premature births survive. Three thousand years ago, when this passage was written, they did not have modern technology to keep a preemie alive. In fact, at that time, more than half of all live births died before their first birthday. In a world like that, a premature birth was a death sentence.”
There really isn’t any verse it the bible which specially mentions abortion. All the pro lifers have are passages taken out of context, like Deuteronomy 30:19 which says:
“I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing,: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.“
But the chapter is about the Israelites being exhorted to choose the God of the bible and his laws for the well being of themselves and their descendants. It is not about abortion at all.
The familiar billboard “Before you were formed in the womb I knew you” is about the prophet Jeremiah-the rest of the verse is “and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.” They further muddy the water with an image of Jesus, as if he is being quoted several centuries before he was born.
Other bible passages are similarly taken out of context by the pro life movement.
Whether abortion is right or wrong, justified in some circumstances or none is not treated anywhere in the bible. People make the inferences they want to make and pretend to find what they are looking for in the bible with a few twists and turns.
Brian Elroy McKinley, who I have already quoted, is a former fundamentalist. He has an excellent website on this subject at elroy.net/ehr/abortion.htm/His essay “How to Fight the Religious Right” is well worth reading.
Before there was the abortion controversy, there was the prohibition movement. They subjected the bible to the same kind of selective interpretations and distortions. There are people today who claim Jesus did not drink wine but grape juice. Kept from fermenting in a biblical refrigerator? Grape juice at room temperature IS wine in just a few days. The bible does sometimes condemn drunkenness, but has many passages which accept drinking as normal. For many years to this day preachers told their congregations that drinking was sinful and would send them to hell. Most of Kentucky is dry, that is Prohibition still exists 77 years after it was repealed nationally. I asked the son of an alcoholic in a dry county if he knew of any instance where prohibition saved a drunk from himself. He couldn’t think of any.
Outlawing abortion will not end it. Turning the uterus police loose on the women of America is far more likely to end the ambitions of the fundamentalists to rule this country than to end the practice of abortion. Fundamentalist religious fervor in America is not constant or inevitable in our history and attacking women’s rights may be their undoing.
CHANGES
hey there!
sorry it has been so long since we posted. life and death have been throwing curve balls and it’s all we can do to catch them, much less write about it.
Last week, our team of escorts suffered a loss from which we will never recover. On the night of May 18th, Drew Allan Patterson passed away. He had been escorting in Louisville for more than 10 years. This leaves a massive void in the lives of many people. This loss has hit us hard emotionally and many of us need time to process more before writing about the valuable lessons and skills that Drew shared with us.
In the mean time,
change remains constant on the sidewalk too. Every Saturday, for as long as any of us have known we have had the use of a large parking lot across the street from the clinic. This lot must have at least 50 spaces and has provided parking for escorts, protesters and clients alike. The lot is privately owned and is leased to downtown workers on weekdays. The owner never minded it being used on weekends and had a good relationship with our dear Drew. A few weeks before Mother’s Day Mr. L told Drew he was concerned about liability due to escalating tensions and that no one was to use the lot at all.
This news was fairly disturbing to a number of the escorts, as we have relied so heavily on the lot for so long. Drew and a few others did thorough research into other available parking nearby. They obtained info about garage prices and compared it to meter rates. Contacts were made with surrounding business owners who gave permission to park in their lots. Drew worked hard perfecting a two-sided, color coded map with all the details.
Drew started taping off the lot as a courtesy to Mr L. This task has been assumed with a heavy heart by another long-term escort.
With all that sorted out we were still facing a huge adjustment in how we escort since our most active post had been eliminated. After much ado about nothing we realized that this was really going to fuck up the chasers a lot more than it would us as they had lost their lurking ground.
A number of the parking lots that we now have access to are off the alley behind the clinic. Escorts are aware of an increased security risk here. On the sidewalk there are usually at least 50 people present including police and there are always a number of cameras around. In the alley it’s a totally different scene. Those of us who have experienced hostile and aggressive anti’s and vulnerable, nervous or just plain annoyed clients and companions are weary of what could happen when tensions are running high, and the social pressure is low.
We try to stay out of the alley by stationing folks on the corners of the streets and rotating around the block. The antis are picking up on the parking patterns and sometimes congregate in the alley. We figure if they are back there we should be too, so as it is we spend a good bit of time in the alley. We have only been dealing with this a short time, but so far we have not had any problems.
Our escorts do an amazing job of communicating with each other, and the result is an incredibly organized collection of folks. The new parking arrangement is keeping us on our toes, but this is a change that we believe we can work with.
The antis are testing out new posts and spending more time outside of the crisis pregnancy center down the block. Often they spend a lot of time scampering about.
Seems like maybe decentralized parking may not be so bad after all.
Also,
check out our new Every Saturday Morning Flickr page!!!
coming soon: post on anti’s using their own kids as political tools. we see this all the time. recently two of our active chasers adopted two toddlers. now when they come to protest they each strap a child to their front sides, kid facing out. they then proceed to walk into and against groups of escorts, clients and companions while preaching and pushing with their little ones. it reminds me of the young mama who used to walk backwards down the cracked and bumpy sidewalk. she would do this in front of a group of folks heading to the clinic. she would hold her baby in her hands and stretch out her arms. it was not long before an officer told her to stop.
Thanks
for reading, and thanks to everyone who has been SO supportive of the KY A Fund! Our recent fundraising efforts have accumulated almost $5,000. all that money will help low income Kentuckians access abortion care. YAY!!!
Donation drive was a huge success!!
Today marks the closing of our fundraiser and we are pleased to announce that is was a huge success!
Protesters: 255
Escorts: 87
the unofficial total raised by the pledge-a-picketer fundraiser: $3,314.00!!!!!
YAY!!!
thanks so much for your help!
If you have not sent in your donation yet, you can use the paypal button below, or send a check made out to A Fund Inc. please write pledge-a-picketer on the memo line.
A Fund Inc
PO Box 5516
Louisville KY 40255
The escorts really shined this past Saturday. Everyone did a wonderful job of creating and holding a calm space, and normalizing the situation. I am very proud of all of us.
THANKS to everyone who helped out.
Pledge-a-Picketer
The Saturday before Mother’s Day is fast approaching, and this year we are trying to use the volume of protesters to our advantage. Here are details on the cause the the plan…
The KY A Fund provides financial assistance to poor people seeking abortion services. The recession has hit poor folks the hardest, and this year the A Fund has seen the number of clients needing help more than double! Now the A Fund is experiencing a financial crisis of it’s own, and we are doing what we can to help.
Pledge-a-Picketer is a great way for pro-choice folks to raise funds, and in this case the money couldn’t go to a better cause. Here’s how it works: pledges are collected leading up to the day before Mother’s day (a day when we have seen more than 500 protesters show up at the clinic). On the morning of that day we will count the anti-choice demonstrators that come, and for each one of them who turns out to bully, shame and judge people, the A Fund makes $$$!
Folks can pledge anything they want to, be it a dime or a quarter per anti, or 20 bucks per hundred, or a flat donation of whatever they are able. If you would like to pledge, please email everysaturdaymorning@gmail.com.
Donations to the A Fund are tax deductible and can be made anytime!
A Fund Inc PO Box 5516 Louisville KY 40255Check back for news on how the holiday goes 
The Roles We Play (part one)
Recently there have been more changes than there is consistency in the factors at play on our sidewalk. We are paying close attention and adapting as best we can. After starting to analyze the motivations and methods of escorts, anti-choice demonstrators(antis), companions and others I decided to start writing about what I’m seeing. My conclusions on this piece have not been drawn, but I’m hoping that starting to post will help this work develop. Please bear with me and offer any thoughts or feedback.
Louisville’s Clinic Escorts are present in part to support people and create space for them to feel empowered while accessing reproductive healthcare. We are all volunteers, and are not agents of the clinic, or any other group. We are organized autonomous individuals working toward a common goal.
Some escorts simply hold space, and try to give the people walking as much physical room as possible while protesters yell, push and sometimes grab at or block the paths of the people walking. Other escorts watch for traffic (as we sometimes have to cross a busy street) and help steer the mass of people. Escorts speak calmly to the client and their companions to give them something to focus on other than the chaos surrounding them on this already difficult day. Escorts are trained in the details of each role, and assume a role based on necessity. The players of each role are constantly changing based on the situation. We all have to be aware of the clients needs, and everyone’s safety at all times.
Most clients of EMW Women’s Surgical Center receive general anesthesia, and are thus required to bring a driver with them to their appointment. A supportive friend can also be helpful while walking into the clinic, as there is always an anti-choice presence on the sidewalk.
We see clients bring a variety of people with them for their appointments. We have seen parents, partners, siblings and friends. In some cases 3 or 4 people walk in together and there is no way for us to know who is there for an abortion. The protesters don’t know either, they harass everyone. No matter what the relationship is, the companion plays an essential role in the drama of the walk to the door.
I have seen companions react to the protesters in countless ways. I’ve seen partners stop to talk to the anti’s, explaining how their situation is special. I’ve seen siblings or friends stop to chat, sympathizing that they wish their friend would make a different choice. I’ve seen parents, partners and friends become verbally and sometimes physically aggressive, yelling at the antis to leave them alone, and sometimes shoving, or making threats of violence. Never have I seen the antis respond respectfully to these people’s requests for peace.
In analyzing the roles played out on the sidewalk, I am reminded of Karpman’s Drama Triangle. The drama triangle is a psychological and social model of human interaction which has become widely used in psychology and psychotherapy. Drama is defined as a conflict involving a number of people. In each drama the roles played are that of the perpetrator (perp), the rescuer (sometimes called the enabler), and the victim. Throughout a drama people can play any of these roles, and more than one at a time. They can also switch roles at any time. The only way to end the drama is to get off of the triangle without slipping into another role. For example, if a person is being verbally abusive to someone else, the victim could react by getting in the perp seat and lashing back with their own insults and judgments. This perpetuates the drama.
To get off of the triangle the victim could say something like, “you may have a point, but I don’t want to talk to you about this until we both cool down.” Or “I’m not going to engage in this aggression. Maybe we need a mediator, or should start writing down our thoughts and feelings.” The perp can get off the triangle just as easily, but it always has to be an intentional action that is not the way we are taught to deal with conflict.
There are lots of resources about the Drama Triangle, please do your homework to understand more.
We see the triangle play out at the clinic in fascinating ways. With each client there is the potential for a unique drama, and each drama looks different from each person’s perspective. There are clients, their companions, escorts, police, protesters, and passersby. Inside the doors are counselors, nurses, doctors and other clinic staff. They fit into the drama as well.
The anti’s behaviors seem to change with the demographics of the clients. For example, the anti’s become particularly aggressive, almost ravenous if the client appears very young, or if they are visibly pregnant (second trimester). In the case of an African-American client, there are some protestors who become very passionate about “saving that black baby” and others who seem far less motivated when the client’s skin color does not match their own.
Here are a few examples of drama on the sidewalk, and some demonstrations of role changes as the drama plays out:
One Saturday a young woman and her mother arrived together. As usual their car was surrounded by protesters before they even opened the doors. After identifying ourselves we asked if they would like an escort. Having received verbal consent from both people we made a circle around them and did what we could to make the walk as easy as possible.
As we started to walk with this family, the mom went into a defender mode. She inserted herself into rotation with the escorts and was doing what she could to deflect the people hurling judgments at her kiddo. The client was in the center of the circle, in survival mode. There was no outward distress, no visible tears. I read her body language as saying “Let’s just have this walk be over already. This sucks.” Her head was down, her body introverted.
The whole time we walked I was going through my normal script, “you’re doing just fine… most of these people will be gone when you leave… we’re almost there…” As we made it to the clinic side of the street, with the prayer gauntlet still ahead of us, I decided I really wanted to offer her more than verbal support, as her mom was still occupied with the chasers. I said to her in a low, calm voice “if you’d like, I can put my arm around you and help you walk.” She accepted my offer with a “yes” and a nod that conveyed a good bit of relief. I put my right arm around her shoulders, pulled her to me a bit and tried to give her some of my confidence as I quickened our pace a little. The rest of the walk seemed to breeze by. At one point I felt someone leaning on my left side, the way I am used to escorts doing as they are pushed by aggressive antis. I glanced to my left and was surprised to see that this ‘escort’ was actually the client’s mom. By now we were almost to the clinic’s property line (after which there are 11 long feet to the door). I kept my arm around the client until we had passed through the clinic entrance. After mom and I traded roles back she thanked me and they took their places in line.
One way of looking at the roles in that drama is the young woman as the victim, the aggressive protesters acting as perps and the client’s mother and the escorts as rescuers.
I have seen similar dramas evolve differently. On that same Saturday we walked with another family. This time, mom had her arm around the client and they were both surrounded by escorts with hands linked. The client’s dad was a few paces behind the escort ring, talking with protesters.
This young client seemed to be fine. She walked with her head up, face forward and did not seem to be bothered by the cacophony. The protesters were reacting to their perception of the client’s young age and displayed extra vigor as they leaned, pushed, and reached between the escorts. All the while the client remained cool. Her mom, on the other hand was in an all out “mama bear” moment, which gradually escalated. She started by verbally asking that they be left alone. Her requests grew more explicit and loud as we went down the sidewalk to our street crossing point. As we were in the street, mom was actually reaching past her daughter, across the escort’s arms and was shoving an anti while yelling “SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” There were all of 20 steps to go, and we all made it through fine, but again I see an apparent role reversal.
One way of looking at this drama could start with the anti as the perp, and the escorts and parents as rescuers. At some point, however, mom began perpetrating against the anti.
The perception of the roles played will look different to each player. This is where it gets tricky.
Each person on the sidewalk (that is not going to the clinic that day) is there because they feel passionately about the thing that gets them out of bed around 6am on a Saturday morning. Whether we’re motivated to defend reproductive choice, or to oppose it, we are there to stand strong and bear witness.
Each person experiencing a drama has their own valid interpretation of what is going on. Everyone has the ability to be abusive to other people. At this point I think it’s all in the person’s motivation. This is where I still have work to do in developing my analysis of all the drama.
I have a scrap of paper with about a dozen triangles sketched on it. A number of them have role assignments similar to the ones I’ve described here. All of what I have described has been based on my own perception of what was happening. How would it differ if I asked the anti’s to label roles in the dramas we play out? I’d imagine they would put fetuses in the victim seat and view themselves as rescuers. The perps would probably range from the clients and their companions to the doctors and escorts. In my 10 + years as an escort have been told all of this by anti’s. However, I do not want to assume that they all share motivations and ideas. It’s similar to how I want each escort, and client to be granted their autonomy by outsiders.
Each person in each drama has the agency to do what they feel is right for them. On the sidewalk, that could be terminating a pregnancy, or supporting a friend or family member. Where the anti’s motivations fall short is when they take away the client’s agency, and decide that THEY get to make the decision for another person.
This Saturday will be the 136th running of the Kentucky Derby, therefore the clinic will be closed (yes really). While we are glad to get the weekend off, we are NOT looking forward to the following Saturday which will be the day before Mother’s Day. If you read this blog, or pay attention otherwise, you know that we tend to see between 200 and 400 EXTRA anti’s for this holiday.
This year we are using their numbers to our advantage and collecting pledges based on the number of protesters that show up. All money raised will benefit the KY A Fund which provides financial aid to poor people accessing abortion services. The A Fund is in serious need of funding right now. To pledge-a-picketer, email everysaturdaymorning@gmail.com. To make a flat donation please click here
